Hello, Old Friends.
My last post was far, FAR too long ago, and this time? I have an explanation. A couple of them, actually.
Let’s start with the REALLY good, REALLY big news. (Well, it’s really big to us, anyway.)
My love of 2 years and husband of 6 months and I will finally be under the same roof. What’s even more than that, we’re getting a huge change of pace out of the whole deal. We’re setting up our home in our new city of Durham, NC.
I will miss the people of Charleston. I will miss my friends and acquaintances that have shaped the last six years of my life. Ali, who is my person, my family, a relationship so far beyond friend that the word seems silly as a descriptor – I will miss her terribly. I’ll miss knowing the ocean is a 15-minute drive away. I’ll miss this chapter that I began as (what now seems) a naive 25-year-old, and the blind optimism I had when I moved here. The idea that this city would be my turning point. The truth is, Charleston was just the backdrop for my turning point. The rest of it was all me.
Charleston has seen me in every single light, the good and the very, very bad, and that’s one of the main reasons I’m ready to say goodbye. I’m ready to start this new chapter with J. Slightly weathered from all the late nights and early mornings, the blissful afternoons of doing nothing, working my way from a job into a career, and nurturing a heart that’s been mighty beaten up and put back together. To finally, finally wake up in the same place every day. To say goodbye to the long drives up I-95. I’m so, so ready.
Secrets & Scares
Secrets?? I know. I’m not a super secretive person as evidenced by…everything. I’m a pretty open book. But it’s taken me some time to come to grips with this particular piece of news, and I have to admit I’m still a little frazzled by it. (Spoiler – before anybody’s wheels start turning, I’m not pregnant.)
I try to be open with the fact that I experience severe depression and anxiety, and see a physician and therapist to treat these conditions. My treatment plan has worked quite well for me for a couple of years, but lately, I’ve been feeling a little…off. It’s hard to quantify “off” when most of the time you don’t really know what it feels like to be “on”? But I digress. I know my body well enough at this point to know when something is wrong.
Or at least I thought I did?
I scheduled an appointment to see if my medications needed adjusting. I’d been dealing with a whole slew of other physical issues on top of just feeling the general gnaw of intense anxiety, so I wanted to get those checked out too. Chief among them was the return of my asthma. This sudden inability to inhale and exhale really lit a fire to get an appointment with my GP scheduled because as anyone who has ever had asthma knows, not being able to breathe is not only inconvenient and annoying, it’s absolutely terrifying.
Day of the appointment, I gave my doc all of the information, told her about my symptoms, and we adjusted some things. I figured that was the end of it, problem solved, I’d feel better in 2-3 weeks. But before I left, she scheduled same-day blood work. A full panel, just to check things out. I’d requested this when I first started seeing my GP, but I had just experienced some pretty intense trauma and was literally sobbing in her office because I was too sad to function, and treating that immediate emergency just took precedence over doing a full physical.
(Note: while I absolutely trust and adore my GP and totally understand this decision, I do wish I had advocated for myself and insisted on full blood work when I first met with her. Hindsight is 20/20, guys. Don’t be like me. Advocate for your health, all the time, every time.)
So I got my blood taken by the world’s nicest woman, and went about my day. The next day I got a call from my physician’s number which was super weird. A quick chat revealed that my liver function, thyroid, and kidneys were doing great! Awesome. Excellent to know.
“But…you do have diabetes.”
A diagnosis I’ve been warned against and afraid of almost my entire life, and there it was.
I’ll spare you the details of my internal freak out and subsequent external freak out, but freak out I did. Not only is that diagnosis a scary, life-changing bomb of news, but here I was thinking I was in such control. I’m a body positive woman. I advocate for acceptance and self-love. I have a blog all about it. Doesn’t diabetes know about my blog??
Turns out, all of those things are not enough to keep your blood sugar within a healthy range. It also turns out – I haven’t been loving my body the way it needs to be loved. I haven’t been listening to it. I don’t move as much as I should. I’ve been denying it nutrients it desperately needed. I’ve been mistreating my body and calling it love. That may be the hardest realization of all.
So what now? Well, with me personally, my whole life is changing. Literally. I’m moving, I’m switching jobs, and I’m doing a complete overhaul on my health. Notice I said health, not diet, but diet will be a HUGE part of it. Limiting my sugar, reducing my carbs, increasing my vegetable intake, drinking water, water, and more water. No more alcohol. Protein, and lots of it.
In addition to diet, I have to control my stress level. This includes taking my meds, keeping my mind clear, exercising (helps regulate blood sugar AND reduce stress – two for one!), meditating, yoga, therapy, anything and everything to keep my cortisol levels DOWN and my good energy up.
Finally, I’ll be working on the long and sometimes painful process of cleaning up my act and really monitoring what goes into my body. This is something I’ve been interested in for ages, but have never really taken the plunge. No time like the present, right? I’ll be looking at my skincare, my makeup, our cleaning products – all of it, and will be making smarter choices over time. Speaking of this, hit me up if you have an amazing toxic free skincare regimen you use, makeup you adore, and especially a natural deodorant that actually works. I’m on the hunt!
Where do we go from here?
What now with the blog? Well, it’s going to have to change a little bit too, and I don’t know exactly what that will look like. I do know that it won’t be a weight loss blog. It won’t be an exercise blog. It will follow my path as I try to clean things up around here. And that means everything.
All of this is to say that things are going to change. My body needs to change to be healthy, and I’m going to make sure that happens. If you also have diabetes, I’d love to hear from you. Tell me about the changes you’ve implemented. What’s worked and what hasn’t. I’m just getting started, and I need all the friends I can get.
Yes, things will be a little different around here. I hope you’ll stay along for the ride.